Back to basics in Beit Jala

I used to be a Teacher – for both Primary and Middle School age ranges at various points. I was a Music Co-ordinator in one and a Special Needs Teacher in the other. I loved teaching – enjoying the joy and exuberance of musical performances, the delight on the faces of children when they finally ‘got it’ after struggling for a while (and then watching them explain it to someone else!), or finding new ways of assisting a child to ‘work around’  situation swhen they were being harassed or harried by others.

Had I not been recommended for training for Ordination, I think my path would have gone towards becoming an Educational Psychologist, a Specific Learning Needs Teacher or a Psychotherapist. Something of this call to walk alongside others is borne out in Ministry, and it was something that I expressed at one of the earliest sessions we had at Theological College. “What is your strapline?” we were asked. “How would you sum up your call?” For me it was hard to express and always has been – but it has something to do with being the one who accompanies others along life’s rich and delightful and challenging way. It is about being the one who is alongside (even if the person doesn’t know it), the one who witnesses and who watches, the one who is willing to give time and to say (often without words), “You are worth me giving you this time and this space and this energy that is mine”. To be able to do this is a rare privilege.

Thus it is that I felt called to be here at Beit Jala. In the four small rooms that offer sanctuary to children in need – as well as their family and friends – the children have a bed to sleep on whilst the parents (usually the mother, but not always) each have a mattress that, each night, is put on the floor having been propped up against the wall during the day. Long days with their children who are from all over the Palestinian Territories, with all sorts of needs – some able to communicate but all, some mobile but not all, some able to go home at weekends but not all. Part of why I am here is to say in some small way that someone can be bothered. You are worth bothering with and your children are worth bothering with. For this very short period of time I am happy to come and play with them, to work with them, to teach them and let them laugh at me when I don’t know the Arabic for chair or water or hello. This evening, long after I ‘finished’ for the day and have been on google translate and other websites that will translate Arabic into roman lettering so that I can have a stab at pronouncing some words, I have been on the Ward to play games with one of the children – which actually turned into four of the children. The mothers looked on, glad of a bit of respite, and I am happy to be with these children who have little idea of what I am saying when I say, “Now it is my turn!” but who are delightful to watch when they copy my actions for ‘thinking and looking’ when we are playing memory games.

The children won’t have any idea of why I am here – I imagine they will simply be glad someone is willing to play with them. The Play and Drama Therapist I am working with noted that one child who usually throws things around actually ‘worked’ relatively calmly with me this afternoon (this was only once I had worked out that we simply needed to play and be rather than ‘learning’ in any formal sense. The wise ones amongst you will know that playing is very important too!)

So for this couple of weeks, here I am, with these children and these parents and these staff members in this place where good work is being done and somehow I hope they will intuit the ‘message’ that someone (in this instance me) is here to accompany them along life’s rich and delightful and challenging way. Someone is here to be alongside, witnessing and watching, willing to give time and to say (without words), “You are worth me giving you this time and this space and this energy that is mine”. To serve you in this way is rare privilege.

A broad church?

Some people have asked what I think about the vote that took place in General Synod in November regarding the place of women in the Episcopacy in the Church of England. I did not think it would go through and, although I wholeheartedly support Bishops of both genders, I am glad that this particular piece of legislation did not go through as it would have enshrined within it a two-tier system of episcopacy, and I do not think this is right. Had this particular piece of legislation gone through it would have meant that those who do not wish to have a woman as their bishop or a man who has been ordained by a woman as their parish priest, or a man who has been ordained by a bishop who has ordained a woman as priest or bishop – they could ask for someone different. What a mess. How far back in time do you go back to check out someone’s ‘pedigree’ as priest or bishop? And what happens if you do want a woman as your parish priest, and your bishop and diocese is an enclave that makes it virtually impossible to exercise your ministry if you happen not to be a man?

It seems to me that the Church of England is only as broad as those it recognises and invites to bring their gifts and skills into play. Following the vote that took place in November, the place of women in the church is seriously in question. Men and women are different it is true – but this is not simply because of their gender – it is because we are all different. The skills and gifts that I have are different from the woman I sit next to on the tube. The gifts and skills that the man who drives the bus has are different from those of the man who works in the City… sweeping the office or working behind the desk. We are each unique, we are each made in the image of God, we each bear the imprint of Christ.

I do not speak very much about the matter of women in the church a) because I simply get on with what I believe God has called me to do and be, and that the church has affirmed and b) because I don’t feel I have the right to ‘go on about’ being a women in ministry, when all women and men are called to serve.

This is a deeply sad and disappointing moment in time. Many people prayed for the will of God to be done – and someone somewhere must think it came to pass. Maybe this was the right thing so that future legislation could go through without the legalising of the taint associated with merely being of the ‘wrong’ gender. I use the word taint advisedly because it is a word that has been used about me to my face because I am a priest who is female. Imagine that if you will – by my gender, I bring some sort of taint to the office of priest. This is also why I don’t talk about this matter so very much because I find it too distressing and embarrassing to know that there are Christians who worship Sunday by Sunday and day by day who use these types of words and sentiment about one another. What would Jesus say and do? What should we do? As ever, the answer is to pray.

Pray earnestly for charity and for love, pray earnestly for grace and hope. Pray also for the members of General Synod who spoke passionately and earnestly on both sides of the debate, and for those who are seeking to take this matter forward. Pray for the Church of England as it seeks to heal a wound that has scar tissue from previous matters relating to this theme that have never really been healed and that cause impediment of movement for all. Pray also for the women of the church across the world in whatever form of ministry they exercise, lay and ordained, parish priest and bishop, young and old. May women in our churches be cherished and loved and held dear by all. May men of our own age know that they are cherished and loved and held dear by all too. May we all know the love of God calling us to be who we are, in God’s service and for God’s good purpose.

Being woman

As the the days continue to pass by since the Church of England's General Synod voted against women being permitted to be ordained Bishops, I realise that as a woman I am feeling less than valued by 'the church' and wonder how it can be that there are people who say that, because of their gender, women are to be barred from certain roles and responsibilities. 

Somewhere in my tummy this touches a deep truth and reality that I have 'known' for a long time, that meets with personal experience in all sorts of places and at all sorts of times - and  it doesn't feel very good, I can tell you. I am heartened that so many Bishops and Clergy voted in favour - and I reached a point some time ago of thinking it really should be a single clause measure - but the phrase 'good enough' and the speeches about 'my' church, 'my' faith... these have left me wondering. 

When people ask me, what people ask what I think of the result of the vote, I have to stop and be measured and pleasant in my response. What I really want to do is weep and say that I don't want to do this any more. I don't want to have to be 'allowed' to be a priest - I just want to be one. I don't want to have to be ashamed because I am a woman - God made this way, and I am made in God's image.

I have to stop and be measured and pleasant - but why should this be? The church that I belong to and that I love has rejected who I am in the essence and core of my being. I am a child of God. I feel called to serve and the church has affirmed this calling. There are others who are called to higher office but, because they are female, they are not allowed to follow this calling. Who is right?

It has never been easy being a woman in the church. At theological college there were smutty and distasteful jokes with offensive conversations about menstrual cycles and the sense of taint caused by these. Imagine having to listen to those when you were living alongside men who would rather have you wash their dishes than have you serve them at the altar. When I was younger, it was alright as a woman to be a member of the Church Council - as long as you never spoke. How do I stand with any sense of credibility in front of a group of young people knowing that the church I love will not allow those of the same gender as me to be in authority over men? 

St Paul's is not the only voice to listen to you know. If the scriptures are to be followed - which ones? St Paul and headship? The dietary laws that form part of the heritage of the church? The laws about shellfish, mixed fibres or foreskins? Are Christian men allowed to have more than one wife/partner - as the Patriarchs of the church did? Or is there somehow a magic formula that allows us to pick and choose...

This is a sad place to be right now.